Finding A Connection Up Above

BRONX, NY- I understand it is way past the season of Lent and Easter, but I wanted to share an experiment I did with you all. For lent this year, I decided to write a letter to God everyday. Why? Well, I feel like a lost sheep when it comes to finding a spiritual connection with the big guy upstairs. I feel better when I write out my ideas and thoughts, so I figured words might assist me with this journey. Mixed emotions came out of this project, but I learned a lot more about myself during those 45 days. 

I was raised a Roman Catholic. I attended Sunday school to complete the first three sacraments, did community service, joined my mom for mass on Sundays plus holy days of obligation, and was put into the Daughters of Mary (mom's idea). A bible study class never peaked my interests, but I have read the entire book. As I got older, I began to question certain practices that did not match with my personal morals. A year after my confirmation, I became less involved in church activities and my attendance at Sunday mass diminished. I was no longer finding God where I believed He would be. This left me confused and frustrated. 

I made three rules to writing my letters. The first is to keep it 100 percent honest. Second, add prayers, and third, add three things to be thankful for. Each night before bed I poured out my thoughts. It felt awkward at first considering how long it has been since I attended mass. After a few days, the letters became longer. I reflected on family, friends, work, and on where I was heading in life. Was I expecting miracles? Of course not. Yet, this felt like a good start to a connection. 

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On the night of Easter, I read what I had written as if it was one of my journal entries. The biggest revelation I got out of the letters is my problem with forgiveness. Forgiving myself for my past mistakes is the most difficult challenge. There have been moments where I almost manage to do it, and then anxiety takes over and I relive those errors again. I asked God for guidance in this particular obstacle. 

Did I find the connection I was looking for through the letters? Unfortunately, not as much as I had hoped. I do feel positive that I will find a spiritual path at some point. Until that path appears, I find God in other ways, especially in nature. Have any of you ever experience a sense of spiritual loss? How did you overcome it? Feel free to share in the comments. 

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Photos: Rosa Elena Burgos.

Last Updated: July 27, 2019